Revision Analysis
January 17, 2008
In the Price of Freedom Essay I made very grave mistakes. Beginning with my introduction, the sentences were very scattered and did not flow. In my revised essay I managed to streamline all my main points into sentences that flowed into one another and were understandable to my audience. The only other problem I had, that was pointed out to me, was my quotes. I was dropping quotes all over the place and making them stand alone. To fix this problem I added colons after the sentence explaining the quotes—this tactic worked very well. In my closing paragraph I synthesized sentences and eliminated distracting repetition, which really tied together my essay.
When I was revising this essay I realized how much I had grown in my writing and in my revising style. I looked deeper into things, with a keener eye and recognized mistakes I wouldn’t have seen at the beginning of the year. I am satisfied with my revision of the Price of Freedom Essay and I believe it is now much more clear and precise.
